Surely, you don't believe that THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES would cheat during a presidential debate? How could Salon suggest such a thing?

No. It can't be. There must be another explanation for the rectangular bulge between his shoulder blades. The obvious explanation, that should put all tinfoil hatted moonbatted paranoia to rest, is that that is where the D batteries go in.

Didn't you even read your ballot in 2000? Perhaps your ballot was defective, but mine clearly stated in 6 point type "Batteries not included." under the name "George W. Bush."

It is a sad and moving episode in the Bush family drama. Not only did little Robin die in childhood; George did, too. Barbara was so stricken with grief that the whole aerospace industry was brought together to solve the problem. We can rebuild him, they said. We can make him stronger, faster, smarter. OK, I'm kidding. They didn't say smarter. This was the old days, and the miracle is that they did it at all, and that George 2.0 managed -- yes -- even to become President.

Please don't drag the Bush family name through the dirt by suggesting that the President of the United States needed to receive whispered answers to know what to say during the debate. He doesn't need that. The radio hardware is all internal. And please don't make fun of him for being a little different because he needs a dozen D batteries to function.

Have some common decency and admire him for what he is. The finest president money can buy.